No Going Back
by surfgirl1
Summary: One-shot. Life after Twilight not the Saga, just Twilight. Very short. Warning: Contains themes of suicide, cutting, drinking, drugs, and other extremely morbid themes. Read it otherwise though! Kinda different from the rest of my stories.Be warned.
1. No Going Back

Staring into the mirror, I let a tear escape. What have I become? My hope has been killed with a single blow, and there is nothing left inside of me. We used to be happy, or so I thought. Every girl was jealous of me, for what I had.

Life couldn't have been more perfect. And then I went off to Florida for a week, and returned to find my life in ruins. My father had died from a heart attack. Torn from despair, I relied more heavily on my boyfriend and best friend. My second family. Apparently I wasn't worth the trouble though, no matter what they said.

He was cheating on me. With my married best friend. Or, former best friend. Her husband was informed, and he ran away, not to be seen since. I did similar. I packed up my bags and flew to New York.

For the remainder of my life there, I didn't have a care in the world. I drowned out my sorrows with drugs, alcohol, and partying. I no longer gave a shit. My life was fucked up. I became depressed, and resorted to cutting. The thrill of being able to see clearly and the pain I felt made me rely on it heavily.

And then, he had to find me. I had come home one day to find him sitting in my apartment, begging on his hands and knees to forgive him and take him back. He said it was a mistake, and that it never should have happened. He told me Alice meant nothing to him but like a sister, and that he hadn't meant for it to get that far.

And yet when I had first found out he had seemed smug, almost proud of how much pain he had caused me. So was she. She didn't even flinch when she found out how her husband had gone missing.

I had flown into a rage then, picking up the closet thing at hand, which happened to be an empty beer bottle and thrown it at his head. He might not have left, since it only glanced off, but my neighbor had knocked to investigate. Apparently she had heard my screams of rage. Anyway, he fled, without a backward glance. This last incident had pushed me over the edge, and I had made my decision. There was no going back now.

Turning away from the mirror, I let a sigh escape. Now that I had a plan, there was no reason to tarry. Without a looking back on my now horrid life, I walked away.

*****************************************************************************************************************Turning to meet his piercing gaze, I smiled slightly. His horrified protests and hopeless pleading couldn't stop me; it was too late for that. He looked so vulnerable. I laughed a mirthless laugh.

He swallowed. "Bella," he whispered, "You don't have to do this."

I rolled my eyes. Like I hadn't heard that one before. Taking another step back, I spread my arms wide. "This is what happens when you mess with my heart. You get the fire. Don't like what you see babe? Don't worry; it won't be around much longer. And besides, you made me this way."

Here I was, California at Twilight. My mother had moved here with Phil and her new baby boy a while back. I had visited her one last time, before heading out to the famous beach cliffs. This was it.

He gasped, and tried to reach for me. But something unnoticed to me held him back. I turned, thinking. Maybe a higher power actually cared what happened to me? The idea made my will falter, before it was replaced with a stronger determination. There was no going back now.

I leaned my head back to gaze at the stars. I wonder what it's like, to be eternal and free. Not held down by gravity, pain, loss, love. Maybe the next step will be better. And if there is no next step, then I know I tried. It just wasn't meant to be.

Ignoring his yells, I closed my eyes and rocked back on my heels. Balancing on the balls of my feet, I tensed while lifting the back half of my foot of the ground. Beneath me, the feel of grass between my bare feet comforted me, and I was happy that my last earthly sensation would be a pleasant one.

Bending my knees, I pitched myself forward into oblivion. I laughed in exhilaration as air rushed past me. Hitting the water, I curled into a ball and smiled. Laughing, I let the last of the air in my lungs escape.

Memories flooded my mind. The death of my father, the betrayal of my best friend and lover, the depression, cutting, addiction, and the numbness slowly seeping in. The final release was easier than I expected, and I smiled and relaxed as the final blackness overcame me.

The last thing I heard was a voice I thought I would never hear again. "Relax," it whispered, before I was gone.

*************************************************************************************

"What did you do? Why did you come here? She was going to be fine! I was going to help her!" I yelled, struggling against the grip that held me.

"Let her go. You don't deserve to even try. She made her choice." He wouldn't let me go, and slowly I collapsed on the ground. He released me, and then I sat up to try and see him, the brother that I had missed so much.

But he was gone.

*************************************************************************************

Edward was above us, wilting on the ground due to his self-induced misery. I didn't care, though.

"Relax, Bella. Everything will be fine. Relax." With one last breath, she was gone.

I swam through the water, curling her lifeless body into me as I moved. I made it all the way to the island, and I smiled in victory. It was impossible to stop this. It was meant to be.

I rose out of the water, cuddling the beautiful broken girl against my chest. I wasted no time, walking forward until I found what I was looking for.

The heat coming off of the molten lava would be staggering to a human, and was almost unbearable to me. I ignored it, however.

I took one last deep breath before we both left this earth for good. The pain stopped.


	2. Author's Clarification

**For anyone else who did not understand my abstract story, here is an explanation. **

**Q: Who had taken Bella to the lava? **

**A: Jasper. "And then I sat up to try and see him, the brother that I had missed so much." That was in Edward's POV. It said it.**

**Q: Who held Edward back when he had tried to save her?**

**A: Again, Jasper. He was grabbing Edward from behind. Bella didn't notice who, she was already turning around at that point.**

**  
Q: What did Bella do to make her want to say 'This is what happens when you mess  
with my heart. You get fire.'? What fire? **

**A: The fire is the guilt. By her doing this, he will have to live with her death on his conscience for the rest of his endless existence.**

**  
Q: Where did the mystery person take Bella? Where did she jump from the cliff?**

**A: This one is my fault. I will have to fix it. In my original version, it told how Bella visited her mom in California (Phil got traded) and then went to the beach cliffs there. That meant that when Jasper swam out to the lava, it was the Hawaiian Islands.**

**  
Q: Why did he hold Edward back? Why couldn't he save her?**

**A: Jasper knew how much pain Bella was in from his power, and didn't want her to suffer. Also, he was in just as much pain as she was. So he decided that he would save himself and her at the same time.**

**  
Q: How did Edward become such a jackass?**

**A: That is a question that I have no answer to. He is who he is in this story.**

**If you have any more questions, ask them. I always want to know what I need to clarify in my ! **


End file.
